so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
