You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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