Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
