Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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