god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
