i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
