The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
