I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize