Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
