Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
