you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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