Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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