I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
