I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
