3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
