And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
