it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
