I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
