I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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