This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Farmville is her only friend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
