while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
