Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We left the knife in your bed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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