I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
