Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
