Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
