Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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