If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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