I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
