are you still at the devil's house?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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