did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
