On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
