I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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