Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
