You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
