They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
