highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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