her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
its liver damage thursday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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