I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
