I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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