My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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