Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
