this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
