What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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