I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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