i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
