The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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