Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
