Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize