we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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