So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
