Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize