Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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