he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
