He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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