don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
