Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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