He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
