chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
