we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
