LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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