So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize