I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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