So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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