He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
