you win again, gameday.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
where are you?
Hypothermia
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize