you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
