just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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