The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize