Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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