she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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