wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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