the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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