At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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