Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize