Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
not ubering you a puppy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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