i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
